The empty feeling of taking a break from tech.

When you follow a routine for long enough, taking a break may make you feel empty inside, this is my take on it based on my experience of working non stop for one year in Bengaluru without going back to my hometown or taking a long vacation.

I left for Varkala this week and am back in my hometown ( Dehradun ). The beaches in Varkala were really clean and the roads were squiggly but well laid, it felt very different from what I was used to in Bengaluru where roads were full of potholes and the traffic came from all sides with delivery boys occupying even whats left of the pedestrian side walk.

My work profile is turned off during the entire time and it feels weird not hearing mentions and queries from my colleagues about this or that JIRA ticket, it's a weird dichotomy of emotions where on one side you feel like your work place is really healthy that they don't disturb you during your personal time, on the other hand you can't help but wonder whether you are just a cog in a system that can be replaced quite easily.

I spent my time in Kerala without my laptops ( personal and work ) thinking that it would help me enjoy my time more and it did to a certain extend, but a chip on my shoulder makes me feel weirdly sad that I am not being productive, that I am not working on bunkr or some other personal project ideas I have in my list, and I hate it so much.

Coming back to my hometown, the nostalgia kicks in and everything starts to feel like "Oh, I used to go there", "Oh, its hotter", "Maybe they shouldn't have cut trees" and so on. In the span of one year, we successfully exchanged "trees that makes living in Dehradun fun" with "Mall of Dehradun", so progress? I guess.

I stayed with my friend ( special ) to celebrate a private birthday celebration by eating delicious Korean and Japanese food and promising wild resolutions ( for me ) like

getting fit.
earning more.
skin care.
sleeping on time.

The next day I went to swim in a river late at night with a couple of my friends and it felt awesome, I drank a little more than I should have but it's my birthday so it's fine right?

I have got two WFH days ahead of me and I am dreading the feeling of getting stuck in the same routine of coding from morning till night, especially now that the empty feeling of "no self worth" is fading a bit. I used to think that people who take gaps / sabbaticals were wasting their productive years but I guess I understand them a bit, I will judge them a little less in future, I mean I will judge ( of course ), just a bit less and with a lot more empathy.

Signing off.